The A+ Relationship Zone

Use "I am" messages: This is a statement about how I am feeling. It is not about judgments, beliefs, or threats, and definitely does not include "shoulds." "I am resentful of the fact that you get to spend your day interacting with adults at work, while I spend all day talking to toddlers. I love the kids, but I feel like I never get adult time."

ASK: It may sound simple, but the reality is that a lot of people do not ask specifically for what they want or need. They assume that their partner already knows. "Would you be willing to take out the garbage every Tuesday evening by nine o'clock?" You can never be too specific, as long as you are not patronizing.

CLARIFY: If you don't fully understand what the other person is asking for, do not assume that you can or will figure it out. Instead, ask for clarification. This will help you avoid countless unnecessary arguments.

Make problem-solving a joint effort: Discuss the issue. You may even discover some humor in the process. "How do you want me to respond when you don't take out the garbage like you said you would?"

If you feel alone, be aware of subconscious methods we use to distance ourselves from others.

Be overscheduled, inflexible, and lack spontaneity.
Define ourselves and others by what we do, not who we are
Be deadly serious about most things rather than humorous and playful.
Have difficulty being in the present moment, both when with another person and while alone. Focus on doing, instead of being.
Concentrate on the final product, rather than the process
Be avoidant and passive or angry and resistant.
Engage in critical analysis of ourselves and others in a distorted way.
Withhold feelings instead of expressing ourselves, which often leads to resentment, creating further distance from others.