My latest issue of Bottom Line Personal included an article written by David J. Pollay, the author of The Law of the Garbage Truck: How to Respond to the People who Dump on You, and How to Stop Dumping on Others. What a great title! I love that he added levity to a difficult situation. Humor is a fantastic tool in diffusing issues surrounding anger. If it is in your arsenal, use it. Here are some of the most interesting points he makes in the article, which unfortunately you can only view if you are a subscriber to Bottom Line Personal:
What we view as minor annoyances- the car that cuts us off on the highway, our own and other’s bad habits, pushy salespeople- can have a cumulative adverse effect on our health that is on par with a major setback – a divorce. We need to address these types of annoyances with the same amount of attention as the larger upsets.
How do we do that?
First, make a conscious choice to not allow other people’s negativity to affect your own state of being.
Second, forgive the offender, even if it is a repeat offender. Does your anger have a greater effect on you or the speeding driver who cruises by your house every evening around dinner time? The best medicine is to do something effective (call the police once) and then forgive him/her every time she passes. Trust that the police will do their job.
Visualize the negative event happening without having an affect on you. Picture it passing right on by as you smile big. It’s their issue, not yours.
With repeat offenders, there are ways to be proactive. When the negativity arrises, try to direct the conversation down a more positive road.
Give the repeat offender the conscious option of venting. Simply ask, “Do you need a minute to vent?” It automatically brings awareness to their choice without making making the situation hurtful.
Suggest a way that the repeat offender might address the cause of his/her continued frustration. For example, with a complaining co-worker, one might say “Perhaps you should put some suggestions together for the boss?”
The Law of the Garbage Truck is simple: Don’t allow yourself to succumb to the garbage being dumped on you throughout your day, whether that garbage comes from a loved one, a co-worker, the guy in the corvette next to you, or even yourself. Protect your positive inner being and determine the trajectory of your day yourself.
Los Angeles Anger Management Therapist