I have talked before about how to process these emotions in a healthy way using visualization exercises and mindfulness.  Now, I’d like to address methods to immediately propel us into the present and away from the self-degrading stories that linger in our heads.  When you feel yourself retelling a story about how badly your mother treated you as a teenager, ask yourself “is my mother here in front of me now?”  Take in your current surroundings.  Touch your hair and the papers or magazine in front of you.  Take a deep breath in and out.  Connecting with your present circumstances will focus your energy and take you out of your head.  Immediately, you will feel lighter and more at ease in your body.  By acknowledging that the memory is part of your past and has nothing to do with your present, you force your mind into the now and become more open to experiencing the joy of the moment.

Reframe destructive, repetitive thoughts.  Many of us have a message replaying in our minds that was recorded in our youth.  To bring us fully into the present moment we must examine these messages and decipher their validity.  First, isolate one of the thoughts, the most prevalent of them, and ask an impartial observer, someone whose opinion you trust, if she thinks that the message is true.  “I should be further ahead in my career.”  Come up with facts that refute this thought.  Write down at least ten pieces of evidence that disprove the thought and PROVE the opposite “I am exactly where I am supposed to be.”  For example, you may write, “I’m only 30 years old” or “I am doing everything I can to further my growth.”

Don’t make assumptions.  In most situations, there exist the facts and the assumptions we concoct to fill in the gaps.  Many of us default to the worst possible scenarios in order to complete a story.  For example, a man waits for a woman, who he has romantic feelings for to call him back.  When the call does not get returned that day, the man assumes that the woman does not share the same feelings.  I know it is hard to accept, but the only thing the man can possibly know for sure in this moment is that the woman has not called him back.  The reason doesn’t matter.  When he lets go of the desired outcome and stays in the moment, he experiences freedom which if maintained will lead to joy.  The man acted on behalf of his feelings, what happens next is out of his control; acknowledging that and celebrating the action taken makes the situation joyful regardless of the outcome.

Achieving and maintaining presence in your daily life is a sure fire way to discover instant joy.  Get started today with the suggestions above and decide for yourself whether I’m right or not.  Good luck!

What we view as minor annoyances- the car that cuts us off on the highway, our own and other’s bad habits, pushy salespeople- can have a cumulative adverse effect on our health that is on par with a major setback – a divorce.  We need to address these types of annoyances with the same amount of attention as the larger upsets. 

How do we do that?

First, make a conscious choice to not allow other people’s negativity to affect your own state of being. 

Second, forgive the offender, even if it is a repeat offender.  Does your anger have a greater effect on you or the speeding driver who cruises by your house every evening around dinner time?  The best medicine is to do something effective (call the police once) and then forgive him/her every time she passes.  Trust that the police will do their job.

Visualize the negative event happening without having an affect on you.  Picture it passing right on by as you smile big.  It’s their issue, not yours.

With repeat offenders, there are ways to be proactive.  When the negativity arrises, try to direct the conversation down a more positive road.

Give the repeat offender the conscious option of venting.  Simply ask, “Do you need a minute to vent?”  It automatically brings awareness to their choice without making making the situation hurtful.

Suggest a way that the repeat offender might address the cause of his/her continued frustration.  For example, with a complaining co-worker, one might say “Perhaps you should put some suggestions together for the boss?”

The Law of the Garbage Truck is simple:  Don’t allow yourself to succumb to the garbage being dumped on you throughout your day, whether that garbage comes from a loved one, a co-worker, the guy in the corvette next to you, or even yourself.  Protect your positive inner being and determine the trajectory of your day yourself.