Marjory Abrams wrote a truly informative article about getting a grip on self-destructive behavior in the Publisher’s Note section of Bottom Line Personal this month. I thought it offered fantastic solutions to some timely dilemmas, so I am reposting it here for you all to enjoy.
“When I hear about the “implosion” of celebrities, such as Tiger Woods and politician John Edwards, I always ask myself, “Didn’t they know what they were doing? Why couldn’t- or wouldn’t- they stop?” Self-destructive actions aren’t limited to public figures, of course. Overeating, excessive drinking, smoking, serial affairs and internet addiction are only some of the all-too-common self-sabotaging behaviors.
According to psychologist Judith Pearson, PhD, head of the East Coast and international divisions of The Masterson Institute, a psychotherapy teaching and research organization (www.mastersoninstitute.com), such actions are largely under the sway of the unconscious mind.
Key to stopping self-defeating behavior: Give your conscious mind control. Dr. Pearson’s strategies…
Delay the impulsive action, even if it’s for just 15 minutes. Make yourself think of the consequences for yourself and your loved ones.
Talk it out in the moment with a trusted friend, therapist, support group or clergy member. Write it out if you don’t have someone to talk to. Putting a problem into words hellps the conscious mind take control.
Develop substitute behaviors. If being alone sets off a drinking jag, go to a library or cafe so that you won’t feel isolated.
Exercise. It raises self-esteem and releases endorphins, the body’s natural antidepressants.
Remember the power of love, says mind/body-healing expert Bernie Siegel, MD, author of groundbreaking work Love, Medicine, & Miracles. According to Bernie (as he prefers to be called), self-destructive behavior often stems from an unfulfilled need for love in childhood. Constructive ways to give yourself love…
Put your baby photos around the house as a reminder that there is a lovable child within you.
Install mirrors so that you can’t hide from your adult self. Keep telling yourself that you love your body, your life, and who you have become- regardless of how you truly feel.
If you are burdened by self-defeating behaviors or negative thinking, ask youself what you would do today if you were a happy person. Would you make a doctor’s appointment? Toss out the cigarette pack? Sign up for a class? Then do it.
This self-reprogramming takes time- but if you stick with it, it helps you stop your unconscious mind from running, and ruining, your life.”
