Old stories and past hurts can hold us back from present joy.  When feelings such as anger and sadness go unexpressed, they remain inside of us as repressed energy and prevent us from living as lightly and fully engaged as we might otherwise choose.  Many of us do not realize that we are going about our lives in this manner.  As children we were not allowed to express our anger, so instead we learn to swallow the energy rather than effectively processing it and letting it go.   The repressed emotions swirling inside of us cause us to live a muted life.

I have talked before about how to process these emotions in a healthy way using visualization exercises and mindfulness.  Now, I’d like to address methods to immediately propel us into the present and away from the self-degrading stories that linger in our heads.  When you feel yourself retelling a story about how badly your mother treated you as a teenager, ask yourself “is my mother here in front of me now?”  Take in your current surroundings.  Touch your hair and the papers or magazine in front of you.  Take a deep breath in and out.  Connecting with your present circumstances will focus your energy and take you out of your head.  Immediately, you will feel lighter and more at ease in your body.  By acknowledging that the memory is part of your past and has nothing to do with your present, you force your mind into the now and become more open to experiencing the joy of the moment.

Reframe destructive, repetitive thoughts.  Many of us have a message replaying in our minds that was recorded in our youth.  To bring us fully into the present moment we must examine these messages and decipher their validity.  First, isolate one of the thoughts, the most prevalent of them, and ask an impartial observer, someone whose opinion you trust, if she thinks that the message is true.  “I should be further ahead in my career.”  Come up with facts that refute this thought.  Write down at least ten pieces of evidence that disprove the thought and PROVE the opposite “I am exactly where I am supposed to be.”  For example, you may write, “I’m only 30 years old” or “I am doing everything I can to further my growth.”

Don’t make assumptions.  In most situations, there exist the facts and the assumptions we concoct to fill in the gaps.  Many of us default to the worst possible scenarios in order to complete a story.  For example, a man waits for a woman, who he has romantic feelings for to call him back.  When the call does not get returned that day, the man assumes that the woman does not share the same feelings.  I know it is hard to accept, but the only thing the man can possibly know for sure in this moment is that the woman has not called him back.  The reason doesn’t matter.  When he lets go of the desired outcome and stays in the moment, he experiences freedom which if maintained will lead to joy.  The man acted on behalf of his feelings, what happens next is out of his control; acknowledging that and celebrating the action taken makes the situation joyful regardless of the outcome.

Achieving and maintaining presence in your daily life is a sure fire way to discover instant joy.  Get started today with the suggestions above and decide for yourself whether I’m right or not.  Good luck!